Numb. That is the right word. The word to describe how I have felt for days. Saturday, Sunday (except during primary. I have honestly been praying that I will either change my attitude and have a better experience in my calling as chorister or be released. Primary was fantastic. Decided super last minute to teach the kids sign language to a song and they loved it. And I loved it... anyway) Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I haven't gotten anything finished. I start things (loading the dishwasher that doesn't get started, loading clothes into the washer that never seem to make it into the dryer) and then stop and stand there. Thinking. Holding back tears. Breathing. Numb. I'm not going into details. They are personal. I just know that somebody that I love very much is going through a very serious and hard trial. I feel useless and sad. But mostly I feel numb. I talked to my mom last night and just like moms do, she made me feel better. I took the rest of the night to worry and pray and stress and then I cried myself to sleep. This is all I could do. I will continue to do what I can, but I need to wake up and start living again. My family needs me.
I love you. You know who you are. So much.
2 comments:
sending a long-distance hug.
reading this makes me sad. I bet it is so hard to not be here and to be so far away, thinking that you can't do anything to help. You can still and you are! You are anything but useless. Hang in there. Give those kids a hug from us. we miss you guys, as always!
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