The do's and don'ts...

The do's and don'ts of pregnancy,

VIA the expectant father:

*disclaimer: this is my interpretation of what they think... some of these things may or may not have been said by Kyle*

-DO NOT tell me when you might be ovulating... it kind of ruins the whole thing

-DO tell me when you find out that you are pregnant, but leave out the whole peeing part

-DO rub your belly and other...cough... northern areas with that weird belly butter

-DO talk about how your belly and other... cough... northern areas are getting bigger, but leave out the obsessing of flabby arms, face, and thighs, how many times must I remind you that you are supposed to be getting bigger?

-DO NOT eat a humongous plate of fried chicken and chili cheese fries and then tell me you feel sick, bloated, and fat

-DO invite me to your appointments

-DO NOT be offended if I do not go to said appointments

-DO think it is cool when I frame a large picture of the ultrasound with the word BOY and an arrow and place it on my desk for all to see

-DO NOT get crazy mad when I refuse to go out for the 3rd time to get that OTHER one thing that you must eat immediately

-DO NOT be grumpy when I wake you up multiple times during the night to tell you that you are sleeping in a bad position for the baby

-DO buy attractive... not cheesy, maternity clothes

-DO remember that when you ask for a foot massage that I have also been on my feet all day and would not mind one afterwards

-DO NOT let your "shiny, luscious" hair clog up the shower drain... its gross

-I DO NOT understand morning sickness and the the words "I have to eat NOW" so chill out when I am in the middle of playing XBOX with my friend

-DO NOT pressure me into picking a name as soon as we find out the gender. We have until the day of, right?

-DO remember that the day of scares the crap out of me almost as much as it does you, so do not be worried when I look like I am going to pass out in the delivery room

-DO NOT be upset when I leave 2 hours after the baby is born. They were doing baby tests, you were sleeping, and I was STARVING... plus, I got you a gift while I was out!